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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Bottom it is.

Recently read articles about Relationships and Money in The Simple Dollar that caught my attention. Excepts below.

From Inspiring Others to Financial Responsibility Without Being Preachy:
Wait for their “bottom,” then gently offer help. Although a low point can often be incredibly painful, it can also be an incredibly valuable learning experience for people. It is at that point that a person realizes, for the first time, that they’re following a path that doesn’t work. It’s at that time when they look around them and see who their true friends are, as they are the ones who are willing to help them at this low point. That’s when your help will really matter. That’s when a helping hand won’t cause resentment, but will be appreciated. That’s when it’ll build into something more than just a quick fix.
From What Is the "Bottom"?:
They have to bottom out for themselves. It’s an internal thing, where you finally accept that there’s something wrong in your life that needs to be fixed. Some people will reach that point much more easily than others.

Until then, any help you give someone on a downward trajectory will just prolong that downward trajectory. If you think a drug addict has bottomed out and you give them some help, but they haven’t bottomed out yet in their own mind, they’re very likely to use your help to further their downward spiral. The same thing happens for anyone on a downward spiral of any kind. If you help someone that hasn’t reached their bottom yet, your help will mostly just prolong their downward slide.

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Of course, we always want the best for our loved ones. We will help as long as it is within our power. Even if it isn't, we will look for ways to make sure they are provided for. But helping others financially has always been a dilemma. It's difficult to determine if giving is actually helping or doing more harm than good.

For now, I guess this is the road I'm taking. I'm not sure if this is the right option but I'm willing to give it a shot. It breaks my heart to not help but if this will make you trust God more and make you grow into the person God wants you to be then so be it. As Ate Cherry puts it, Don't Play God in your loved one's lives.

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